Firstly, my God, you would not believe how terrible the last few months of my life have been.
Secondly! I owe you reviews. I have really, really been having an awful time, and your stories have been re-read when time permitted, because they make me feel better. This means that you are getting your reviews late, but you are definitely getting them, because you deserve them even more than you did.
Ok! Know, I'm a science major who knows nothing about writing, but is definitely analytical. This is actually gonna be pretty long. You did kind of say that was ok. You were warned, in any case.
I love this drabble. I know that you would prefer it were a fic - and so would I, more story - but it works wonderfully as it is. It's very touching as well, and as unique a take as I've ever read.
I like the device you used where you began every section with Nakamori's age. It stretched a short drabble out into a longer seeming piece, somehow. I think it had something to do with the increasing numbers, which increased the tension, and added an almost poetic rhythm.
Murasaki herself is delightful, I don't see much of her in this drabble, but I love her to bits. It's like a quickly sketched image of a person instead of a portrait. Another reason that a drabble works well here is that I want to see more of here and don't. She is a mysterious but lovely figure, who seems to match Nakamori very well. I have to admit, though, that the "But" at the beginning of the last sentence of the second paragraph made my grammar brain twitch for some reason.
Touichi mocks. Of course he does.
I can see everything that happens when Nakamori Ginzo is 22 in my head as clearly as if you had filmed it. This might have something to do with the fact that you're the author that writes these characters the way that I see them, but I think you just have a deft touch with characterization. Ex: the fact that Touichi mocks in the third paragraph means that I can see him relentlessly egging in the fourth.
He tells her so! Of course he does! *cuddles Nakamori*
I love that no one takes Touichi seriously. Touichi getting no respect is hilarious and also one of those things you write that makes complete sense, which is really the root of what I love about your fiction. No one who hasn't heard of KID's exploits is going to take someone in that getup seriously. In two sparse paragraphs, you also manage to convey Nakamori's priorities and interest level over time and with surprising depth, I am duly impressed.
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Late to the party, but I have actually arrived!
Date: 2011-03-27 01:51 am (UTC)Secondly! I owe you reviews. I have really, really been having an awful time, and your stories have been re-read when time permitted, because they make me feel better. This means that you are getting your reviews late, but you are definitely getting them, because you deserve them even more than you did.
Ok! Know, I'm a science major who knows nothing about writing, but is definitely analytical. This is actually gonna be pretty long. You did kind of say that was ok. You were warned, in any case.
I love this drabble. I know that you would prefer it were a fic - and so would I, more story - but it works wonderfully as it is. It's very touching as well, and as unique a take as I've ever read.
I like the device you used where you began every section with Nakamori's age. It stretched a short drabble out into a longer seeming piece, somehow. I think it had something to do with the increasing numbers, which increased the tension, and added an almost poetic rhythm.
Murasaki herself is delightful, I don't see much of her in this drabble, but I love her to bits. It's like a quickly sketched image of a person instead of a portrait. Another reason that a drabble works well here is that I want to see more of here and don't. She is a mysterious but lovely figure, who seems to match Nakamori very well. I have to admit, though, that the "But" at the beginning of the last sentence of the second paragraph made my grammar brain twitch for some reason.
Touichi mocks. Of course he does.
I can see everything that happens when Nakamori Ginzo is 22 in my head as clearly as if you had filmed it. This might have something to do with the fact that you're the author that writes these characters the way that I see them, but I think you just have a deft touch with characterization. Ex: the fact that Touichi mocks in the third paragraph means that I can see him relentlessly egging in the fourth.
He tells her so! Of course he does! *cuddles Nakamori*
I love that no one takes Touichi seriously. Touichi getting no respect is hilarious and also one of those things you write that makes complete sense, which is really the root of what I love about your fiction. No one who hasn't heard of KID's exploits is going to take someone in that getup seriously. In two sparse paragraphs, you also manage to convey Nakamori's priorities and interest level over time and with surprising depth, I am duly impressed.